"i breathed in the thin cold air that stabbed at my lungs and dimly i felt my muscles ache. gasping, i looked around me and recognized nothing. i thought to myself i had to keep moving, but instead my face crumbled as those thoughts washed over me. my tears ran down as I realized that i would never be able to run away. and the dark night strangled and swallowed my figure."I'm sure everyone gets the feeling that they're running nowhere. But that feeling is just so depressing sometimes. Because you're just....going nowhere no matter how badly you want to be at that other destination. Failure laughs at your face and slaps you. Despair grips you tightly.
Those desperate hearts of ours...what do they really want? Everyone would say love...but what is love? So many works center on love, but I don't think many know what it really is. Is it happy? I smile one moment and feel sad a moment later...but why do I keep smiling? It always feels as if I'm falling off the cliff and that I will have no future for me. Happy is quite fickle. It will come and go. And as I look back on those memories, they will always haunt me with the happy times I will never be able to go back to...and the mistakes I will never be able to fix.
I always have those moments when I laugh and I smile with the ones I love most dearly but once I turn away I feel so empty...just heart wrenching empty. Am I afraid that I'm going to lose them? Already I'm feeling more distant to those people as more and more start to just stare off and never talk to me again. That security I used to feel disintegrates so fast and I'm left alone in a barren world in my mind. Imaginary stories can only go so far. Maybe I'm just selfish...
I don't really know who I am. This bipolarity of mine is confusing me and whenever people ask me about myself, I don't know what to say. If I say anything I feel as if I'm lying because I could easily be another. I just show one side...or is this the same for everyone? I don't really know...then doesn't that mean society is fake? How artificial is this world of ours?
We toil to get to where? I see so many quietly take advantage of others while smiling at their faces. Is that ok? It's as if humans have never been honest ever...and will never be. Why do we feel the need to run in the first place? Running nowhere... we're always running nowhere.
