"Some people smoke, others drink, and others fall in love, each one dies from a different way"

the ocean yearns as I do 

tossing and turning 

longing 

at night

“It takes time to be happy. A lot of time. Happiness, too, is a long patience.” — Albert Camus, A Happy Death

I remember those clocks that don't tick
but rather their hands circle round smoothly
completing one minute after another

Only now do I realize I should have been afraid
horribly afraid
at how fast and seamlessly
time went
taking all I know with it.

"Look at me. I just can't believe what they've done to me. We could never get free" -- Major Lazer

dissipating memories evaporate
how is that heart
break
is invisible
though I can see its heat wave
ripple for miles

Will

burn me and
scatter me in the middle of
the Pacific

"We are on par. He just is, I just am, and we just are" -- Lang Leav

Fever

rising

clouding my thoughts

my eyes

is this a hallucination 

your gentle voice

piercing through this suffocating heat

till once more 

I am calm
and seeing

"Were we torn apart by the break of day? You're more than I can believe, would ever come my way" -- The XX, Fiction

Hollow eyes
        are what echo
        in whatever is
                        left of me

"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.” — Franz Kafka

my skin sheds pain
but why won't my body purge me of this sorrow
this heaviness
why won't my eyes shed tears

“I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.” — Sylvia Plath

I sit fumbling with clumsy broken words
scrambling to write down the book pouring in your mind before you slip away
But fear slowly roots in my body
for these rough lines can only outline
the beautiful sky you paint

I know I'm losing you.
I can only hope my memories won't lose you as well.

"You leave with the tide and I can't stop you leaving. I can see it in your eyes somethings that lost the meaning" -- The XX, Tides

hand in hand
we dance in chaos
flowing with the pulse
that shocks our bodies together
and apart

but I could tell
as the night passed
your eyes
your hands
your mind
were only
for her





do you remember?

No title

Ghost thoughts

floating on top of paper

peeling

wilting away into air

Never to be contained

but also

never to be said 

“Our bodies flicker toward extinction” — Sylvia Plath

you were my rock
while I was your stepping stone

"This is my home, leave me alone. 여기만은 들어오지 마" -- Tablo, Home

the heart breaks
only in silence
one would think it'd scream instead

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” — Henry David Thoreau

Too loud are these thoughts of you
so much that I can't sleep
I count the hours by the minutes you aren't here with me

“So many people know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell me about me.” — Joseph L. Mankiewicz

The minutes tick by painfully
and I wonder if God will hate me for doubting him
I glance back wary of Karma slinking in the shadows, waiting to pounce and gobble up my sins and spit them back at my face
The soul churns and guilt gnaws at my thoughts, chewing each one slowly, savoring each prick, each worry, simmering them till they bubble and boil over
Is this the hell I have created?
Will you hate me for the hurt I have caused you?
Will you hate me for how dirty I have become.

"We'll never fall, for you I will always wait" -- Kidnap Kid, So Close

I used to be able to mend
broken words
and shattered feelings

how is it that
I have forgotten
I have lost
this
one thing I could do?

“There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

the day folds and bends
shimmering in the moment from afar
vanishing from your fingers

ephemeral
those hazy days when I wish I were the wind that waves softly goodbye and follows the air wherever whenever
to a perhaps, to a perhaps

pools of thought drip from dreaming clouds
leaking into minds wasting away starved in the hidden

is it love that we die for to fill the emptiness in our wandering souls
to find that the only lover we have
is death himself

nothing in this world is sure
but the trees keep growing
and this world keeps spinning
as if it has a purpose
a reason to

on and on it runs
with no thought
to hold its breath for at least a minute

“Even as I hold you, I am letting you go.” — Alice Walker

away
you spin from me
red string like water slipping between fingers
further stretched and it's cut

but your scent still lingers on my shirt

"Intro" - The XX

glowing ashes,
dying
the inferno rumbles
from beneath
charcoaled faces paired with water brimmed eyes
these are the bridges I burned
burning skin till charred and cracked
singing hearts
we rise with the smoke, twirling, twirling
we rise like liquid fire

"Been trying so hard not to let it show, but you got me feeling like I'm stepping on buildings, cars and boats. I swear I could touch the sky" - Afrojack

And in that moment

the wind rushed through me
till the stars lit one by one in brilliant showers
searing through indigo 

In one step 

my emotions were free and my heart was running 

I could touch the corners of clouds

And in your smile 

I had the world in my hands

"To the ambiguous you: I love you but you'll never know. You shouldn't know."

Like light
we flicker
in pulses
of the heart
breaking
bending sparks
that ignite

grab
pull at words to say
to explain
with nothing escaping our lips
except tender kisses
quivering with slight hesitation
my breath caught in fear
falling
falling

we fall
so close
and yet so far away

"You broke the glass to see the stars"

Humidity begins to thicken through the room as you gasp for air and I grasp for words
Sweat sticks on to my neck and slowly the night rolls in with the fog
descending down and down to embrace us
muffling
hotter
and higher
my arms and legs tangle into yours
and I can only feel your pulse
and your heart
and your hands
burning
I sink into you
surrendering to my thoughts and your lips
whatever they may say