"You look so beautiful on this starry night, loving the way the moonlight catches your eyes & your smile"- J.r.a.

Thank you.

Everyone. 

I'm bad at expressing all my feelings and thoughts into words, but I really want to let you all know that I really do cherish you guys. Everyone I've met in my life, thank you. You've changed me into someone better, and no matter how much I say thank you, I can't and never will be able to say those words enough. We will all part our ways, but I hope you will all be happy and live life to the fullest. 

And really

Thank you.

So much.

"she lied everyday to achieve her goal. Her goal? To make everyone happy."

Helen Keller once said,
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”
In other words:
YOU CAN’T TOUCH THIS.
-Tyler Im

Silently I sit up in bed. I look behind me to observe the soft orange lights from the streetlamp filter through the window blinds. Too early before sunrise, a dead silence hangs in the air. But I hear my heart. Beat. Ever so quietly. Hush my dear. And only in my dreams, does the electric violin wail in the night. It pierces my soul and I am left breathless as I hear its pain and all its sorrow and desperation for humanity. How does this mere instrument capture these raw emotions that flare up in us. This beautiful yet frightening sound...It keeps me up as I listen to its screams. I wince. Are we not but beasts that pretend?

"Here is the end for the both of us, and until the world would allow our love then..."- parkbom

Her hair slipped out from his fingers as she walked away.
The rain was pouring down as he watched her leave.
Ah, that warmth he felt with her was slowly disappearing.
But they knew that the rain was hiding both their tears.

That simple happiness from the past, was it not reality? Then what is this anguish now?

"...and do you know the type of love that hurts as you think over everything at night, each thought stabbing you because all you can do is stare at each other with pained eyes that long for each other but cannot have? the agony that burns your soul and eats away at your heart..."

The night falls softly on her hair as she sits on the rock and looks down at the lake. Cold and still, the crystal surface cuts through the deep secrets of the earth. Winding along forgotten paths, it shows your heart's locked up memories. And for the girl, a chiseled face appears in the pool...the one she loves but can never have. A beautiful reflection..she can only gaze at it now. After so many beautiful nights together, Fate with jealous streaked eyes tore them apart.
What is this bottomless pit of despair that burns at the heart? She can only look up at the lonely, ivory moon and wish wistfully.

While he... looks down from above and cries. He let's it rain from the heavens to replace his own tears. How fragile and enchanting humans are. He has the power to obtain all he wants...but what his heart desires, he cannot have.
Another story for the cursed red spider lily to taunt for the leaves and the flowers will never see each other. Its entire lifespan puts them so close together, but they will never touch...always missing each other. He can only watch as she slowly dies each day and after only a hundred years, she will disappear while he lives on. A burning desire paired with a slow agony...it can only last forever. Eternity never ends...

The lake's cold surface cracks under the motion of a ripple. Drop by drop, her falling tears muddle the clear image...
Stare at the reflection of the moon...but touch it, and it will waver. Gaze at the beauty itself...but reach for it, and it will always be out of your grasp.

What if a human and a god loved each other?

"나는 이제 구름만 봐요"

The wind gently blows the long, white curtains draped in front of the the window. A soft afternoon, the only noises are the rustle of the leaves and the faint drone of cars speeding through the city in the background. The breeze wafts into the room and caresses the boy's sleeping face while stroking through his hair. However, hearing the whispers, the boy wakes up in a confused state. Peace flutters upon his eyes as he looks to the light streaming in. Having forgotten about the world, his gray eyes look with indifference...yet in him a fragile longing still pulses.

It's been a while my love.

"music lifts my soul as your melody fills my heart"

A distant emptiness clouds my mind...

But I remember the warmth of those hugs. And when I sit...I can't help but look on either side of me.

Just to see no one.

Those hands of mine that used to wave excitedly in the air now lay dead at my side waiting to wipe away tears.

And I feel lonely.

I sat on the curb...at midnight and stared at the one streetlight in the distance. My thoughts tripped over each other and tumbled and crashed into a confusing cascade. Falling down and down.

It was cold.

And I needed a hug. A warm embrace to catch my wandering soul.

"I escape in my imagination as I wander out of reality and into my dreams. Don't let me fall into despair."

I remember that little girl. She used to run to me screaming with happiness. I could see her smile and hear her laugh from a distance and always know it was her. She was the brightest among the other children..and whenever she saw me, she'd run to me yelling, "Brother!" while her pigtails and ribbons would stream behind her. I wasn't really her brother but warmth always filled up my heart and I'd catch her in my arms and twirl her around. Happiness radiated from this small girl...What a happy memory.
I watched her while she grew up. Each year, her cute puffy cheeks slimmed down into a fairer face and her eyes began to tell more than her mouth. Her innocent air from childhood began to fade as she matured into a beautiful young lady and slowly she began to gaze more at the world. She was still radiant with light, but it was changing into a soft shimmer of the moon instead of the bright blaze of the sun. Her wide smile and loud laugh became a gentle smile of understanding. "Brother", she'd say. She was too old and big to pick up and twirl. But to me, she still was the happy little girl who flung herself at life with all her heart and joy.
We sat underneath a blossoming tree and watched as the gentle breeze swooped the delicate flowers into the air and set them on the breathing earth. I watched her as her eyes followed the falling flowers...and she spoke to me but it seemed more as if she was addressing her words to Mother Nature.
"Brother...the world is a sad place"...and she gave a sad smile.

And I didn't know what to say.

You're my friend every hour of the day. Except when I'm at college. Which will be all the time. So....................... bai.- Aria Andreas Salehi

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -mary anne radmacher

7/16/11
Tan Dun. What an amazing guy. I almost felt like he was ancient because he just radiated that Chinese culture. The old Chinese culture that ran deep in the bones. Oriental and authentic. Deep respect ran through me as I thought about how those philosophies and traditions still live in him and how he spreads them with his words. And his music? breathless.
The Internet Symphony. Starting from an intense buildup of sound from the twang of the strings. Then the loud percussionist feel starts accelerating the intensity. And out of all the commotion from the din, the brass proudly state their message. And once the melody floats off, the orchestra speeds up again in almost a racetrack feel. And even with that running background, little images jump out from underneath with all their glory and colors. Build up even more as the clashing and clanging get louder and louder and the orchestra holds its breath for the last three chords. And there everything explodes and everything just soars up and out of the pages. Exhilarating.
Eternal Vow from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Soundtrack. The soft background of the Chinese drums and flute prompt the cello solo. And softly she enters. It felt like a spirit was moving through the shadows of a forest deep in the heart of China. And slowly the orchestra strings join in taking it all higher. A tinge of sadness, the lonely spirit moves through the music in a slow but mysterious pace through the journey of life. And while she walks..the haunting melody follows her. And in the end, the sounds just echo and hang in the air... how do you describe that feeling? I don't even know. When your heart is in your throat, and you don't know whether to cry or smile. It felt like everything...

He was so happy. Tan Dun. He went through the Chinese Cultural Revolution and came out of it with a resolve to restore culture, music, and freedom of expression. He's never let go of that happiness. That innocence. He was like a child almost. I've never met such a happy Asian...so incredible. I don't know what else to say...

“The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.” – The Awakening – Kate Chopin

She could feel the blood dribble down the knife. It stained her hands and her soft white gown that hung close to her body. The young woman's lips quivered as she stood tense outside the door hiding in the dark. Breathing raggedly, her mind throbbed and she kept seeing the blood gush out of his body.
She shook her head and silently she prayed to an invisible god to calm her jagged heart as she stepped into the room where he slept. The moonlight outlined his jawline as she gazed at the lips that used to smile at her occasionally. His eyebrows were relaxed contradicting his usual furrowed and serious look. His peace made her heart warm, but it still beat terribly as she raised her clean knife ever so slowly. The grip tightened but the control deteriorated as she started to shake. The beat was accelerating as her heart began to hyperventilate faster and faster. Her mind. A frenzy.
A cool hand grabbed her fiercely. Startled, the girl blinked out of her illusion and found herself staring back at dark chocolate eyes. They were the same ones she loved and the same ones she always got lost in. He had somehow sat up before she could move and continued to gaze at the girl he loved with stern, confused eyes that seemed to pierce her soul. Time suspended itself in the air and hung around the two as they both held their silence for that infinite moment. No thoughts transferred through their eyes but there was still the obvious question paired with an unspoken answer.
The knife slipped out of her uncontrollable hands and as it fell it coldly sliced the man's arm making a shallow cut. Like the girl imagined before, the blood dripped out and fell on the floor..drop by drop while more streamed down his arm. With no thoughts, the girl ran out of the room. Horror on her face. The wind carried her off as her heart beat at an agonizing tempo. Her chest tightened and seized along the way as she kept rewinding back to her dark cloudy thoughts and his deep, auburn eyes. She loved him. And horror shivered on her face once more as the cold wave of failure washed over her mind.
The young man was right behind her. He sprinted with his life, wild with dread and bewilderment. He threw away almost everything for her...he wasn't going to let her go now. But the question "why?" pained his heart. The girl ran straight towards the cliff's edge but looked back once to see his face. He was still running towards her but this time with a desperate look. Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled for him one last time...and she fell backwards into the churning sea. The man had almost reached her, but he was too late and collapsed right on the edge and looked down for her. But she was nowhere to be seen. And he just sat there. While the storming rain pounded on his frail body. She was gone. And he was alone. In every gasp he took, the excruciating pain ripped through him more and more. Where had all the happiness gone?
And the little mermaid vanished, melting into sea foam.

The next day, the young man was gently woken up by the soft sound of the waves. He found himself on the shore of the beach and had to squint for the sun was glaring into his eyes. The sky seemed much bigger than usual with its meld of pastel and deep blues. And he felt a warm see breeze gently caress his face. Was it her? And though the tears began to fall and his heart began to twist, he could not help but think of the happy times of when he first met her on the very same spot he was sitting. It was as if the wind was her kiss, the warmth was her hand, and the waves, her voice...
The ocean and its secrets..was it hiding their memories?

"Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles" -Mike Greenberg

may the sun bring you new energy by day
may the moon softly restore you by night
may the rain wash your worries
may the breeze blow new strength into your being
may you walk gently through the world
and know its beauty all the days of your life
-apache blessing

"Something to read while waiting for the bathroom"

I find this on the bathroom door in my cabin

"The glass is neither half empty nor half full, it is just twice as large as it's supposed to be"
"Smile it makes people wonder what you're thinking of"
"I live in my own little world, but it's okay they know me here"
"Isn't it amazing how quickly the mood can change with a broken condom?"
"Don't drink and park: accidents cause people"
"Find a penny, pick it up, and all day you'll have a penny"
"The closest I've come to a 4.0 is my blood alcohol level"
"...and last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I though to myself 'where's the ceiling?''
"To steal ideas from one person is called plagiarism. To steal ideas from many people is called research"
"Don't judge a book by its movie"
"Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else"
"Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol"
"Eat healthy, exercise regularly, die anyways"
"Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do"
"Light travels faster than sound that's why some people look bright until you hear them speak"
"Why do you always find what you're looking for where you look last? Because after you find it you stop looking"
"Words in parentheses can (not) be ignored"
"Join the army, meet interesting people, then kill them"
"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have more of them live longer"
"If I try to fail and I do, does that mean I've succeeded?"
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"No matter where you go in life, you are always where you are"
"I doubt therefore I might be"
"A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking"
"A day without sunshine is like...night"
"It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove any doubt"
"Friends are people who know the music of your heart and sing it for you when you forget the tune of your own song"
"When you're surrounded by idiots, just remember, murder is illegal and sarcasm is way more satisfying"

"See the sky blue even if it is gray"

Bittersweet. Endings. But they're only the beginning.
I've always noticed that whenever I meet new people, I always have to let go of them too soon. And it leaves just a bittersweet imprint on my mind. Happy memories but sad feelings. But I must thank you guys. I came to the place alone and found a family. I don't even speak the same language as you, and yet somehow I became part of your group. It's ironic. I can never really fit into groups and find myself hopping to different ones all the time, never really rooted in one. And now I find myself close to all of you when at times I have no idea what you're saying. Stupid? I'd say amazing. Music really is a universal language.
I cried so much that night. We all did. The baton broke and inside my heart jerked a little too. It was so sudden. I teared up a bit but when I saw you guys crying, that's when I started sobbing. Those warm hugs of yours....I'm going to miss them. Sincere words and sincere feelings. I will always remember how you guys held each other sobbing knowing that you might never see each other again. How painful it was to watch all of us cling on to each other desperately not wanting to let go...whispering "i love you" over and over again. Bonds run deep.
Maybe I was the only one who saw this. Tear stained and tired and I gazed around me. And I saw a lone bubble just floating around. It shined a beautiful rainbow and flit around in the night sky when it swooped to the floor. And with a touch it popped and was gone. It was gone. I felt like it almost symbolized our summer. Such a beautiful, precious time it was for us and suddenly it's over....And it felt as if those memories were going to fade away in an instant. But as I came to you crying like a lost child, you hugged me tightly. I'll always remember. Thank you for giving me so much happiness this summer. I can and will never be able to thank you all enough. I hope you know how much I love you guys.

te extraño. te amo. mucho.