"I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away. Ricochet, you take your aim, fire away, fire away."

When the light slowly pulses along with the swaying trees

And the soft dancing steps of clouds patter by,

When the sun glows warm orange through the windows

And your voice so low lingers in a deep sigh,

Sweet caresses

Under blankets

Cool kisses

In the darkness

I hide behind the growing shadows, shy

Only to long for you in each goodbye. 

Happen Ending -- Epik High

he pulls on my hair
its entire length
spiraling down
each strand filled with a heaviness
I hate it
"why haven't you cut it yet then?"
because I'm still holding on
to his fingers

On the ones I've hurt

I

The wrenching swing of her song
her song
again.
Flings her voice into air
offering up to silhouettes
Full range of sound speaking fire
shadow speaking sound conscious of its reflection
Her I she is but me and I her
I sway with this warmth that
lingers
so leisurely on skin
that spills of an emptiness
that knocks on the back of my head
In its opening
I remember of a music I've
never heard before

II

Wide eyed
wilt into the weak wind
they hang desperately
folding into edges on the horizon of my gaze
If the mirror keeps staring
will they know the future I walk to
like a sleepwalker damned to that old dream
that old music
Paper begins to speak
(that's how we lose ourselves)
whispering so faintly like
rabid figures washed into illusions
If I look long enough catch a glimpse
of a face emerging dissolving behind each rising tide
pitiful pitiful
I will gouge your eyes out

III

Crawl in my skin fear
circles above to shudder
me in its shadow silently dragging
the heart that moans and shrieks in tears
Drown its own blood and
I swear it wasn't me it wasn't me it was me
Please
I know
I don't deserve this poem
that reaches with ghost hands to lift your limp body
snap my neck
no,
there is a shape music cannot fill
there is an emptiness that carves and carves and carves
till I cease

till I cease

"Yesterday is only today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream."

what time is it

will you

wait

what

is it

are you

yea I have to

leave

wait

let’s

get

carried away

you’re all my

nights

no sleep no rest

I just wanna say

and I think I might

little things

little things

like you

we should get

will you

married

coffee

you will

I will

I do

"I'll pay you in dollars"

and without realizing it
with each song you gave me
you took a piece of my heart
with you

"Through form, emerges meaning"

and as I build up
this poem
my words break down

"My name, my pronoun -- a grey void" -- Pizarnik

It's weird how we were
and now aren't.
It's weird how we could have been
but in the end didn't.
I find myself lost in these weird transitions,
in translation
Just lost,
a bit,
in abbreviation.

"From 8 until late, I think about you. You're all my nights I don't know what to do" -- Drake

from us
and back
to me and you

"Stop making a big deal out of the little things, let's get carried away" -- Beyonce

and in the dead of the night
you make me feel electrified
alive

"You're just a hideaway, you're just a feeling. You let my heart escape beyond the meaning" -- Hideaway

breaths caught in air
tumbling between
parallel lines
that strain to face each other

untouchable space where
ocean and sky touch
sliding into descending progressions
of crumbling notes

we melt off
the script into
ripples filling outwards
outwards

till they reach
till they can taste
only air in the horizon
evaporating

like a rip
in fate's flowing robes
a skip
in time's running show

round around repeats
in grooves flowing out
of revolving records
we find

ourselves in the fiction between
almost and
perhaps

what friction
sparks a fire
a silence

"But you're just a chance I take to keep on dreaming. You're just another day that keeps me breathing" -- Kieza

With each memory I taste
breathing comes easier
and the air comes fresher
cooling down
this oxygen
permeating in me
filling my soul up
and deflating my heart
down

"Lost some years I used to know I know my fate like bullets in a shot gun" -- Vic Mensa

and when I descend to sleep
I wonder if it was all a dream

and when I rise to wake
I wonder if it was all a lie

and I realize now when you jump
the world waits for nobody

and I realize now it was words
I starved for all this time

Archaeoacoustics

To you                     who
An echo                   To where
does it die                when it finishes
chasing the ends      of decomposing notes
nodding off to what was once before in treble halves
trembling

Trapped in graphite traces
embedded in microlightning spikes that
sear sounds onto these
retinotopic lines these
emototopic maps
pulsing plastic into crescendos spiraling spiraling
into screams winded from butterfly wings

Crack open my radioactive body
and you will near asymptotes of whispers rippling into
cacophonous entropy crashing into the universe
you will circle on amethyst sound
reverberating still so faintly of your existence

Trace your fingers on my clay skin and I will sing back
all that I once was
all that you once were
To me

"Whenever I hear goodbyes, reminds me baby of you I break down and cry, next time I'll be true, yeah" -- XX

the dimming window ripples into focus

and I try to find

Only specters stare back now

Sh—

                                                Shh—

shhudder 

and I try to find

myself in reflections 

melting into

Too much

I can only

feel

and I try to skin

myself

to find—

I don't bleed

but decrescendo

into

and the music

the music

don't feel like

before

In it I find

the last to revive

is me

Comptine D'un Autre été: L'après-midi (Rhyme of Another Summer: The Afternoon)

In the moment
Maybe it meant something
But maybe in retrospect
That's where I'll find myself

your eyes
your smile
Hold my ghosts

Each ones dies
Underneath this skin

I walk in a fantasy you don't measure
There is no poetry
Within our final conversation

A ring
I remember so well
But also not at all
you

Formula

just add water
and
it will look
like
poetry

Rework: Kitchen

I

You look only to the clock now
the air holds us hostage
dragging limp words out from
our suffocating suffering mouths

Our heads are offered up to
chopping blocks and hang heavy
from above
dangling dead
our feet dance light in air

II

But
there
air
ripples occasionally outwards
from the rare touch that crosses plastic walls
around us
within us

And I realize who I touch is not
you
but your second skin
Who I remember now is not the
you
who is now
                    but
                            but

III

We slice grapefruits in half
like we cut up silence
between you and
I

I cut these tomatoes
like I cut my fingers
observing the rotten
inside

"Am I dreaming? Will I ever find you now? I walk in circles but I'll never figure out what I mean to you, do I belong?" -- Ellie Goulding

dancing in the wind
slow motion will catch me when I fall
in this world without color
melting melting
words carefully crafted
slide off pages
catching into air
and the wind will cut me into halves
one for me one for you
till I am no more
and will be forever
dancing in the wind

Done

I write on
dying pages
dimming screens
deadly silence

Reminders

Carve out my heart

Slice my arms

Rip off my head 

So I will cease to exist 

So you will cease to exist 

"Because they're my interests" 

No to erase to erase to erase

"Because I want to help others" 

No to fill to fill to fill

"Because I'm passionate about the cause" 

This entrenched hole you have left in me 

Anymore

You don't care do you when our hands touch 
briefly 
              crossing 

our circles
though barriers of thin plastic 
still stand 
              between 
us 
And I realize who I touch is not
you
but your second
                           skin
Who I remember is not
you now
               but
                      but 

We cut up thick silence as we cut 
             grapefruits 
The air
             hangs
             heavy
I cut these tomatoes like I cut 
             my fingers
observing the 
rotten 
inside

Yesterday Today Tomorrow

cool air comes to crawl through my window
and I ascend slowly from each
level of Dante's dreams
to meet it in
shivers

I stumble off my pedestal only to rise
into swells of clouding memories and
bitter aftertaste of shriveling tears
what is there to wear today but
silence?

murmur murmur the petals of my cinnamon muffin flake off
and the rain chases me down this warping street
falling into puddles I step on chaos in the form of violent
waves rippling out underneath me till I can only
feel

all too keenly the swaying of the bridge
holding me close to you to you to you
these pages turn too fast
and this story is ending all too soon
The End

"Still hating you, who has let me go. My frigid, cooled heart is still missing you" -- 2ne1

I lie here
wishful while waiting for
words I can't help but want
as I waste away wistful and wilting
missing you in wintering
windows between seconds
searing through the weeks
too fast to destruction

that in a blink
life has finished

and in each person I have met
I searched only for you

that in every moment I have lived
I spent feeling only your absence

"We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect" -- Anaïs Nin

in another life
perhaps
we could have been

"Running sky, crashing sunset, those beautiful days that will never come back" -- Nell

goodbye
goodbye
this love I shall put to sleep

"You cannot buy the revolution. You cannot make the revolution. You can only be the revolution. It is in your spirit, or it is nowhere" -- Ursula K. Le Guin

red lights slap the transparent walls
that separate or combine
me?
chairs sprawl out in neat lines in the corner of my eye
empty

like these machined white skirts that
bounce and glow across the street hanging
seductively to beckon men in to drink
while the people shuffle along the dimming streets
mute

red lights swim past like conversations I had with my future
yesterday in rivers that wind from the city and back
coursing energy and disease that pummel the mind
splintering each thought with a flimsy flicker of light
shudder

off switch on
they buzz of incoherency and rabid mumblings
driven all to madness and blackness
rioting on streets bleeding on paper to
ignite

though I am but a fish on a pedestal to be sliced
under soft orange flux
peeling off in layers
in this reality that pages out in front of me flowering
terribly

diffusing till thin and nonexistent
and I am labeled crazy to have even spoken
of such things
of such things

Aquilo

Paging through silence the edges melt

deconstruct

bursting into flames till they crackle and crumble

into existence once more

sliding into wintering alarms that sound between

skyscraper towers

and I turn

flipping flipping flipping

through the winding streets to find words in the wind

aquí

aquí

estoy aquí

I speak to air

but you are nowhere to be found

"This too shall pass"

and each night
I get drunk off
thoughts of you

"Más que aire más que agua más que labios ligera, ligera tu cuerpo es la huella de tu cuerpo" -- Octavio Paz

Light laps at my feet,
Shadow lines.
Retrace my steps and
I shall sleep

An eternity back.
Looming cities hanging
Lost lights like
Lanterns floating with no line,

No way home
Only hands now on
Windows.
Sleepless eyes peering out,

Only handprints now on
Mist glass
Perspiring ghosts gone
That refuse to dream

Though I try and eyes flutter
Breathing barely alive.
The sunsets you loved
Sink behind notes

And I smile as much to wipe
My tears. Fall like shattered
Sounds,
Chase melodies around me

If I lived again.
But of course above the waves
It seems your voice
I hear instead.

On and on

revolution
is an arrow of change
and a circle that takes you back,
a

"Or your liquors deep to me, in this glass capsule, Dulling andstilling. But colourless. Colourless." -- Sylvia Plath

Apart, apart

We are apart

Though I used to be 

A part of you 

"Baby are we there yet" -- Dumbfounded

From the way the light held
you could hear the
butterflies brushing
off from her
dead shoulder

“I am the river and you are its blue, burning current.” — Thomas Lux

From ghostly words
etched in the ancient book
rose a scent of smoke
nostalgic
for a memory
it could not remember

"Is that what we want? Is everything shot? Is that what you asked for? Cause that's what we got" -- Julian Casablancas

In the sliver of space
Between the window silt
The eye of the half moon
Bulges and blinks
Staring curiously into mine

Blue moon clouds
Flower and flicker in front
Till she retreats, black and sullen,
Till she disappears and
Sleeps forevermore

But shivers prickle as fear
Climbs up my spine
Wary of her eye that may be
Sprouting on my back in my mirror
Bulging

"Help me I'm holding on for dear life, won't look down, won't open my eyes" --Sia

How keenly 

the bite of the cold 

mirrors 

the bite of your silence

“I felt dull and flat and full of shattered visions” — Sylvia Plath

Only once you've stood up,

do you realize how numb 

your legs have become

Only once you've moved on,

do you realize how much 

you still love him. 

"Goodbye, Goodbye. The key to my heart is in the walls."

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee
Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of death
Now at the hour of death
Now at the hour of my death

"When I see you again I'll know not to expect. Stay one step away, we will have to wait" -- The XX, Sunset

There is a point when everything becomes numb
and you start to wonder if stabbing yourself with pins
will coax you to feel again

"Yona Lights" -- Marco Beltrami, Snow Piercer

Alive and soft the ocean breathes ashore;

Hear it whispering secrets of the sea.

I sit and sail these paper planes over

To converse with the sea, words so carefree.

How joyous thy waters leap, thy freedom

I cannot help but want to steal and shut.

Perhaps Time will favor, grant us wisdom

Of life, and protect this precious gift; but

Alas, lock’d within the tempting waves hide

The chains of Time as strings the moon doth hold.

Master the waves how cruelly they break tide,

As if to ground them, Time forces to mold.

Hark, them demons my soul they try to keep.
To crush my freedom, my life, my heart doth weep.

"What I mean is, on some nights I miss you so much that I never want to see you again” — Ali Shapiro

Devour words
blind the eyes
I keep finding myself shooting up
cocktailed stories to stuff
this empty hole
in me
Fiction
is always saddest

"It felt like you really knew me. Now it feels like you see through me" — The XX

There's a silver shimmer
between us
rippling in air
this pregnant silence, dripping into pools that drown us—
the only noise to be heard

Like lights playing with
the shadows on the windows
Like memories that surge and dissolve
crumbling so capriciously through time

Your smile fades in and out
an ebb and flow behind this veil
surfacing, reverberating between
two hemispheres
two souls

The sun's set in your eyes
And you don't see me
across the horizon anymore

"Separate or combine, I ask you one last time. Did I hold you too tight? Did I not let enough light in?" -- The XX, Chained

you are the ink that dribbles into my mind
flowing out my fingertips

into the words I write

the soft echo that deafens the chaotic thoughts 

that cloud the mountains 

of the heart at night

your words
your kisses
your eyes
terrify and soothe me

but for today be my muse, my poet
and I will be forever yours, 

your poetry

"Even when he smiles, in my eyes, you, you’re smiling. Even when I hold hands with him my hands feel your hands, only yours" — Younha

The night is too hot to sleep in and I stay awake staring at the light leaking in through my paper thin curtains. But no, this time it's not my thoughts pulsing painfully my conscious wake.
Hot, my heart spikes with each beat. Too loud, too heavy, your scent begins to overtake my body. Your gentle touch to the bare shoulder. The slow burn of desire to my slender neck. A kind kiss to the shy forehead.
Memories murmur murmur murmur
spiraling in my blood, rushing higher—my breath skips beats
your fingers imprint onto my back and your warmth into my heart

Perhaps love is too a muscle memory that the body remembers
Too keen, too sharp, they cut all too deeply till I bleed you, and only you

“Despair is the price one pays for self-awareness. Look deeply into life, and you’ll always find despair.” — Irvin D. Yalom

The mountains fade in blue layers melting into the pale sky behind them

White tails trail breaking into fragments of angel wings slowly torn by wind
So far and cold

I stare longer and longing into the distance;

And I realize that is my future 

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been ifit had never shone.” — John Steinbeck

How is it that
the moment you left
the house exhaled
and the air hung emptier than ever

“The mind is beautiful because of the paradox. It uses itself to understand itself.” — Adam Elenbass

The sun streams down
gently descending onto soft swishing treetops
the light plays with shadows on the floor
the dew still wets the ground;
today's the day it rains yellow flower petals instead

“Your room is not your prison. You are.” — Sylvia Plath

Fear of inadequacy
Fear of untied ends and loose strings
Fear of opportunities that could have been
The could have been
The perhaps
The possibilities
That almost reality that you yourself shot down
That glimpse of fate
only to have it taken away

"Peacock Romantic" -- DJ Okawari

Purge yourself
Puke it up
Hurl the emotions out
Pluck them from your skin
Rip them from your heart
Scrub them from your lips
Set ablaze your soul
to burn
to destroy
What held you down
What held you apart
What held you together

"The walls, the walls are caving in"

these pages turn too fast 

and this story is ending all too soon

The End. 

"What does it mean to forgive?"

And as I climb this bridge to reach you
I realize
that the further you climb
the farther you fall

It's funny isn't it?
Shouldn't it have been obvious?

"I wonder where you've been, and do you think of me? Cause I'm not missing you at all. I'll be alright, I'll be okay. And it felt fine. You're away and I'm away" -- Kidnap Kid

Jazz beats diffuse through the room accompanying the soft twinkling of piano
the saxophone blaring through the fog that curtains the night outside
a voice soaring clear, dancing with the lights that cascade from the ceiling
The soul leaps with each note,
pulling these heartstrings of mine you play so well.

"Weep not for she is not dead, but sleepeth" -- Luke 8:52

Ink slowly pulled along paper,
unfurling black emotions bulleting through the tunnels of veins
bleeding red into her empty heart,
drawing white mountains and fiction stories that echo and sing through hidden trees when the wind blows and rustles their old leaves
Till one day,
someday,
they will melt away into nothingness with the rain that erases them
Ghosts rise from words once written
feelings once felt
long ago,
long ago

Dear,
do you still remember me?

"Al di lá del bene più prezioso, ci sei tu. Al di lá del sogno più ambizioso, ci sei tu" -- Al Di La, Emilio Pericoli

Above the dreams that rise up in spiraling clouds to the heavens,
Across the infinite oceans and sprawling mountains of this earth,
Though these hanging emotions scar the sleepy memories hidden within,
Beyond, beyond,
there is you
with the sun in your eyes gazing outwards to the world at your fingertips
And perhaps someday
I hope
I will
reach you there.

"He is the darkest star among a myriad of burntout wishes, but he is my star." — Noor Shirazie

Don't say goodbye to me
so I can hold on to this hope that someday
you'll come back with the tide

but it's a cold night while I wait
with only breaking waves to keep me company
wistful wishes wander lost under the echoes of the hazy sea

"Should I wait for you?"

but
you were
never mine
never mine
so I guess..

never mind.

"Some people smoke, others drink, and others fall in love, each one dies from a different way"

the ocean yearns as I do 

tossing and turning 

longing 

at night

“It takes time to be happy. A lot of time. Happiness, too, is a long patience.” — Albert Camus, A Happy Death

I remember those clocks that don't tick
but rather their hands circle round smoothly
completing one minute after another

Only now do I realize I should have been afraid
horribly afraid
at how fast and seamlessly
time went
taking all I know with it.

"Look at me. I just can't believe what they've done to me. We could never get free" -- Major Lazer

dissipating memories evaporate
how is that heart
break
is invisible
though I can see its heat wave
ripple for miles

Will

burn me and
scatter me in the middle of
the Pacific

"We are on par. He just is, I just am, and we just are" -- Lang Leav

Fever

rising

clouding my thoughts

my eyes

is this a hallucination 

your gentle voice

piercing through this suffocating heat

till once more 

I am calm
and seeing

"Were we torn apart by the break of day? You're more than I can believe, would ever come my way" -- The XX, Fiction

Hollow eyes
        are what echo
        in whatever is
                        left of me

"A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.” — Franz Kafka

my skin sheds pain
but why won't my body purge me of this sorrow
this heaviness
why won't my eyes shed tears

“I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.” — Sylvia Plath

I sit fumbling with clumsy broken words
scrambling to write down the book pouring in your mind before you slip away
But fear slowly roots in my body
for these rough lines can only outline
the beautiful sky you paint

I know I'm losing you.
I can only hope my memories won't lose you as well.

"You leave with the tide and I can't stop you leaving. I can see it in your eyes somethings that lost the meaning" -- The XX, Tides

hand in hand
we dance in chaos
flowing with the pulse
that shocks our bodies together
and apart

but I could tell
as the night passed
your eyes
your hands
your mind
were only
for her





do you remember?

No title

Ghost thoughts

floating on top of paper

peeling

wilting away into air

Never to be contained

but also

never to be said 

“Our bodies flicker toward extinction” — Sylvia Plath

you were my rock
while I was your stepping stone

"This is my home, leave me alone. 여기만은 들어오지 마" -- Tablo, Home

the heart breaks
only in silence
one would think it'd scream instead

“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” — Henry David Thoreau

Too loud are these thoughts of you
so much that I can't sleep
I count the hours by the minutes you aren't here with me

“So many people know me. I wish I did. I wish someone would tell me about me.” — Joseph L. Mankiewicz

The minutes tick by painfully
and I wonder if God will hate me for doubting him
I glance back wary of Karma slinking in the shadows, waiting to pounce and gobble up my sins and spit them back at my face
The soul churns and guilt gnaws at my thoughts, chewing each one slowly, savoring each prick, each worry, simmering them till they bubble and boil over
Is this the hell I have created?
Will you hate me for the hurt I have caused you?
Will you hate me for how dirty I have become.

"We'll never fall, for you I will always wait" -- Kidnap Kid, So Close

I used to be able to mend
broken words
and shattered feelings

how is it that
I have forgotten
I have lost
this
one thing I could do?

“There are no beautiful surfaces without a terrible depth.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

the day folds and bends
shimmering in the moment from afar
vanishing from your fingers

ephemeral
those hazy days when I wish I were the wind that waves softly goodbye and follows the air wherever whenever
to a perhaps, to a perhaps

pools of thought drip from dreaming clouds
leaking into minds wasting away starved in the hidden

is it love that we die for to fill the emptiness in our wandering souls
to find that the only lover we have
is death himself

nothing in this world is sure
but the trees keep growing
and this world keeps spinning
as if it has a purpose
a reason to

on and on it runs
with no thought
to hold its breath for at least a minute

“Even as I hold you, I am letting you go.” — Alice Walker

away
you spin from me
red string like water slipping between fingers
further stretched and it's cut

but your scent still lingers on my shirt

"Intro" - The XX

glowing ashes,
dying
the inferno rumbles
from beneath
charcoaled faces paired with water brimmed eyes
these are the bridges I burned
burning skin till charred and cracked
singing hearts
we rise with the smoke, twirling, twirling
we rise like liquid fire

"Been trying so hard not to let it show, but you got me feeling like I'm stepping on buildings, cars and boats. I swear I could touch the sky" - Afrojack

And in that moment

the wind rushed through me
till the stars lit one by one in brilliant showers
searing through indigo 

In one step 

my emotions were free and my heart was running 

I could touch the corners of clouds

And in your smile 

I had the world in my hands

"To the ambiguous you: I love you but you'll never know. You shouldn't know."

Like light
we flicker
in pulses
of the heart
breaking
bending sparks
that ignite

grab
pull at words to say
to explain
with nothing escaping our lips
except tender kisses
quivering with slight hesitation
my breath caught in fear
falling
falling

we fall
so close
and yet so far away

"You broke the glass to see the stars"

Humidity begins to thicken through the room as you gasp for air and I grasp for words
Sweat sticks on to my neck and slowly the night rolls in with the fog
descending down and down to embrace us
muffling
hotter
and higher
my arms and legs tangle into yours
and I can only feel your pulse
and your heart
and your hands
burning
I sink into you
surrendering to my thoughts and your lips
whatever they may say

"I loved you once"

And slowly 

Slowly 

The sunlight dims

And only pale drapes remain 

Becoming skeletons and ghosts of what was once before

"Providence" - Keith Merrill

music louder louder
fill my cup

till once again

i am numb
and unfeeling

"And at once I knew I was not magnificent. High above the highway aisle, I could see for miles, miles, miles" - Holocene

Alas spring,
the trees grow back and flowers shyly bloom once more
Alas the sun,
she wakes each morning slowly, slowly then all so fast
Alas the phoenix,
to burn and die only to rise again with new life

Alas,
us,
will we do so too?

"I love you to the moon and back" - For the Love of the Moon

slow
steady
so quiet
and so humble
the soothing
soft
breaths you take
slumbering
and snoring
beside me
while the moon slips under the dim and faded shine of the desk lamp
and diffuses into this room
scattering
into infinity
my heart slows to a murmur
to meet yours in your dreams
and dance with you on clouds of hope
till we fall with the rain
and wake up in each other's arms
drowsy
yet content
and
happy at last

"Music in the soul can be heard by the universe" - Lao Tzu

how lonely the wind is
when the cold freezes time
and in the small hours of the deep night
it wanders
and wanders
alone.
softly she speaks
caressing windows and doors
whispering for a friend
but alas, with no response.

louder
louder
she begins to wail
rising up in a deafening crescendo
spiraling swirling up
till the howling wave of the ocean crashes on the shore
and sweeps through the tips of trees
and shadows under the moon
turn into frantic claws to rip and harvest a victim.

and as I see her beckoning hand from my window
a hollow shiver
creeps up my spine
and reverberates through my small lost soul.

"Nothing in life is meaningless; even the word ‘meaningless’ has meaning." - Jamel Duane

his responses have no answers
blank in the face of my questions
while silence hangs in the air cold
dark

dark
till his deep black eyes harden
freeze
and walls slice between us
cutting
cutting
and his tears
his tears
don't flow but stay trapped inside
where I can't see him
where I can't know
lost in ambiguity stumbling blind

and despite the months I had used and wasted on tissues
despite the despair the worry that racked my gasping lungs in neverending nights
this was sadness that
that
I had never known
quietly moaning in the hidden rooms of the heart
echoing to the edges of my soul
reverberating till numb

and I can't feel
I can't feel

but a sinking
sinking
gnawing
despair

that I can do nothing
though he is sad.
that I can do nothing
to ease his pain.
my love
my love

why shut me outside? Empty.

"It's personal."

"You know sometimes, we have to do things we don't want"

was it always this quiet
this silent
this sad
?

He who fights monsters should see to it that in the process, he doesn’t become a monster." - Nietzsche

you know.
it's only because you're
uninteresting.
boring.
plain.
unconfident.
ugly.
sad.

not as intelligent.
or nice.
nor mysterious.
not as good
as her.

"Though my heart empties you out, though I erase you, everything remembers you" - Younha

Silhouettes 

one by 

one how they glide

On the edges of my eyes

on the ends of my fingertips

Blurry figures that just

blur by in

Black coats

Busy and 

bustling 

Those footsteps 

that stride 

Are they yours? 

The. doors fly open and shut

And I just sit here looking down 

Not daring to look up 

In hopes that perhaps 

Perhaps 

You will come by looking for me 

And take me home.

I