You're my friend every hour of the day. Except when I'm at college. Which will be all the time. So....................... bai.- Aria Andreas Salehi

live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live as if this is all there is. -mary anne radmacher

7/16/11
Tan Dun. What an amazing guy. I almost felt like he was ancient because he just radiated that Chinese culture. The old Chinese culture that ran deep in the bones. Oriental and authentic. Deep respect ran through me as I thought about how those philosophies and traditions still live in him and how he spreads them with his words. And his music? breathless.
The Internet Symphony. Starting from an intense buildup of sound from the twang of the strings. Then the loud percussionist feel starts accelerating the intensity. And out of all the commotion from the din, the brass proudly state their message. And once the melody floats off, the orchestra speeds up again in almost a racetrack feel. And even with that running background, little images jump out from underneath with all their glory and colors. Build up even more as the clashing and clanging get louder and louder and the orchestra holds its breath for the last three chords. And there everything explodes and everything just soars up and out of the pages. Exhilarating.
Eternal Vow from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Soundtrack. The soft background of the Chinese drums and flute prompt the cello solo. And softly she enters. It felt like a spirit was moving through the shadows of a forest deep in the heart of China. And slowly the orchestra strings join in taking it all higher. A tinge of sadness, the lonely spirit moves through the music in a slow but mysterious pace through the journey of life. And while she walks..the haunting melody follows her. And in the end, the sounds just echo and hang in the air... how do you describe that feeling? I don't even know. When your heart is in your throat, and you don't know whether to cry or smile. It felt like everything...

He was so happy. Tan Dun. He went through the Chinese Cultural Revolution and came out of it with a resolve to restore culture, music, and freedom of expression. He's never let go of that happiness. That innocence. He was like a child almost. I've never met such a happy Asian...so incredible. I don't know what else to say...

“The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamoring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation.” – The Awakening – Kate Chopin

She could feel the blood dribble down the knife. It stained her hands and her soft white gown that hung close to her body. The young woman's lips quivered as she stood tense outside the door hiding in the dark. Breathing raggedly, her mind throbbed and she kept seeing the blood gush out of his body.
She shook her head and silently she prayed to an invisible god to calm her jagged heart as she stepped into the room where he slept. The moonlight outlined his jawline as she gazed at the lips that used to smile at her occasionally. His eyebrows were relaxed contradicting his usual furrowed and serious look. His peace made her heart warm, but it still beat terribly as she raised her clean knife ever so slowly. The grip tightened but the control deteriorated as she started to shake. The beat was accelerating as her heart began to hyperventilate faster and faster. Her mind. A frenzy.
A cool hand grabbed her fiercely. Startled, the girl blinked out of her illusion and found herself staring back at dark chocolate eyes. They were the same ones she loved and the same ones she always got lost in. He had somehow sat up before she could move and continued to gaze at the girl he loved with stern, confused eyes that seemed to pierce her soul. Time suspended itself in the air and hung around the two as they both held their silence for that infinite moment. No thoughts transferred through their eyes but there was still the obvious question paired with an unspoken answer.
The knife slipped out of her uncontrollable hands and as it fell it coldly sliced the man's arm making a shallow cut. Like the girl imagined before, the blood dripped out and fell on the floor..drop by drop while more streamed down his arm. With no thoughts, the girl ran out of the room. Horror on her face. The wind carried her off as her heart beat at an agonizing tempo. Her chest tightened and seized along the way as she kept rewinding back to her dark cloudy thoughts and his deep, auburn eyes. She loved him. And horror shivered on her face once more as the cold wave of failure washed over her mind.
The young man was right behind her. He sprinted with his life, wild with dread and bewilderment. He threw away almost everything for her...he wasn't going to let her go now. But the question "why?" pained his heart. The girl ran straight towards the cliff's edge but looked back once to see his face. He was still running towards her but this time with a desperate look. Tears welled up in her eyes as she smiled for him one last time...and she fell backwards into the churning sea. The man had almost reached her, but he was too late and collapsed right on the edge and looked down for her. But she was nowhere to be seen. And he just sat there. While the storming rain pounded on his frail body. She was gone. And he was alone. In every gasp he took, the excruciating pain ripped through him more and more. Where had all the happiness gone?
And the little mermaid vanished, melting into sea foam.

The next day, the young man was gently woken up by the soft sound of the waves. He found himself on the shore of the beach and had to squint for the sun was glaring into his eyes. The sky seemed much bigger than usual with its meld of pastel and deep blues. And he felt a warm see breeze gently caress his face. Was it her? And though the tears began to fall and his heart began to twist, he could not help but think of the happy times of when he first met her on the very same spot he was sitting. It was as if the wind was her kiss, the warmth was her hand, and the waves, her voice...
The ocean and its secrets..was it hiding their memories?

"Life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles" -Mike Greenberg

may the sun bring you new energy by day
may the moon softly restore you by night
may the rain wash your worries
may the breeze blow new strength into your being
may you walk gently through the world
and know its beauty all the days of your life
-apache blessing

"Something to read while waiting for the bathroom"

I find this on the bathroom door in my cabin

"The glass is neither half empty nor half full, it is just twice as large as it's supposed to be"
"Smile it makes people wonder what you're thinking of"
"I live in my own little world, but it's okay they know me here"
"Isn't it amazing how quickly the mood can change with a broken condom?"
"Don't drink and park: accidents cause people"
"Find a penny, pick it up, and all day you'll have a penny"
"The closest I've come to a 4.0 is my blood alcohol level"
"...and last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I though to myself 'where's the ceiling?''
"To steal ideas from one person is called plagiarism. To steal ideas from many people is called research"
"Don't judge a book by its movie"
"Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else"
"Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol"
"Eat healthy, exercise regularly, die anyways"
"Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do"
"Light travels faster than sound that's why some people look bright until you hear them speak"
"Why do you always find what you're looking for where you look last? Because after you find it you stop looking"
"Words in parentheses can (not) be ignored"
"Join the army, meet interesting people, then kill them"
"Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have more of them live longer"
"If I try to fail and I do, does that mean I've succeeded?"
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"No matter where you go in life, you are always where you are"
"I doubt therefore I might be"
"A conclusion is simply the place where you get tired of thinking"
"A day without sunshine is like...night"
"It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove any doubt"
"Friends are people who know the music of your heart and sing it for you when you forget the tune of your own song"
"When you're surrounded by idiots, just remember, murder is illegal and sarcasm is way more satisfying"

"See the sky blue even if it is gray"

Bittersweet. Endings. But they're only the beginning.
I've always noticed that whenever I meet new people, I always have to let go of them too soon. And it leaves just a bittersweet imprint on my mind. Happy memories but sad feelings. But I must thank you guys. I came to the place alone and found a family. I don't even speak the same language as you, and yet somehow I became part of your group. It's ironic. I can never really fit into groups and find myself hopping to different ones all the time, never really rooted in one. And now I find myself close to all of you when at times I have no idea what you're saying. Stupid? I'd say amazing. Music really is a universal language.
I cried so much that night. We all did. The baton broke and inside my heart jerked a little too. It was so sudden. I teared up a bit but when I saw you guys crying, that's when I started sobbing. Those warm hugs of yours....I'm going to miss them. Sincere words and sincere feelings. I will always remember how you guys held each other sobbing knowing that you might never see each other again. How painful it was to watch all of us cling on to each other desperately not wanting to let go...whispering "i love you" over and over again. Bonds run deep.
Maybe I was the only one who saw this. Tear stained and tired and I gazed around me. And I saw a lone bubble just floating around. It shined a beautiful rainbow and flit around in the night sky when it swooped to the floor. And with a touch it popped and was gone. It was gone. I felt like it almost symbolized our summer. Such a beautiful, precious time it was for us and suddenly it's over....And it felt as if those memories were going to fade away in an instant. But as I came to you crying like a lost child, you hugged me tightly. I'll always remember. Thank you for giving me so much happiness this summer. I can and will never be able to thank you all enough. I hope you know how much I love you guys.

te extraño. te amo. mucho.

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid"-Albert Einstein

This time my lights are on. The darkness has left me to shrivel in the glare of reality. I blast music to numb my mind but to no avail; my fears cloud my mind and ever so slightly squeeze my heart. And with each second, the pulse beats faster and faster speeding through the night. The grip tightens as I think of the future. Abstract and beautiful it swirls in front of you, and only you can shape it with your own hands. But those creations of mine always drip with black sludge. Tainted and ugly they trail behind me growing eyes to stare at my back and pierce my soul with glares. Of taunt. Of disdain. Of hatred. They all laugh at me. And I walk on afraid. The clutch around my heart grasps desperately again and my soul flickers under the pressure. The blood spurts and oozes out of the cracks in the hand and slowly dribbles on the gray floor. While I gasp and struggle, slowly dying.

"every night I will sit alone in that dark corner, but every morning small rays of light will filter through the windows and raise me up"

I will be happy.
I will be sad.
I will be happy for you.
I will be sad.
I will be happy again.

What am I. I don't even know. What am I doing.

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to."

It's been on my mind for a while.

Trust. What is it? 

Many people before have told me "You can't trust anyone."

Today someone told me "You can't change the world. You can't change human nature."

It's...just so sad. 

I went home and cried later in the night. 

Why are we so sad? That we can't trust everyone.....

I feel like I'm thinking very naively.

but it feels so lonely.

"The people and friends that we have lost, or the dreams that have faded...never forget them."-yuna

It's a warm day and a blowing, soft wind rustles my hair every so often. Lying down in a field of grass, I can spot the occasional flower with its petals shining under the sunshine. They sparkle in the corner of my eye, but the sky is what keeps me awake. Magnificent blue. That huge expanse leaves me in awe as I feel insignificant in the world... but I suddenly think of you. We're under the same sky and nothing can stop us. Can you see my heart from all the way over there? I'll stay here and watch the rain clouds roll in and feel the rain drops drizzle onto my face. The cool water, let it wash over me as I think through my thoughts. I"ll lie here and watch the sunset and rise. Hues of soft lavender melting with warm blue, or fiery bold colors of red and yellow. I'll sleep here and dream of the clouds floating lazily over head above the tall trees. Where are they going? To you I suppose. Let those shapes shift and dance and I will wish I were one of them. To float so freely and gracefully through the sky; flying seems exhilarating. Let's take pictures of the moon and the stars we see from afar and send them to each other . And while you're over there, and I'm over here, we can watch the world pass by together.

"it's that familiar face. familiar smile. i know that voice. the same skip of a beat."

The chaotic background rushes at you, and you start to hyperventilate. Breathing gets ragged and the noise is too much. Like black hands with an evil grin, everything swoops at you knocking you cold, but you still feel the pain. The pain that haunts you, the stress that jabs at you. It's all there with the crowd that unceasingly keeps moving in a fury. But stop time for a bit. And watch everyone move in slow motion. And. Calm. Down. You're alone, and the only one moving in the frozen world. Deep breaths, and retrace your steps to that place you call happy.

Watch the water that spilled in the air drop slowly to the floor in sparkling droplets. How can such a simple thing turn into a most beautiful show? The only way to stop and smell the roses is to slow down. And likewise, to see the world as it is.